What I Learned from My Beagle

I live with a beautiful beagle named Abby. She is full of enthusiasm and continually gives me lessons on living a good life.

Be open and friendly to all. Abby is the friendliest dog I've ever had. She greets every person and dog she meets on our nightly walks enthusiastically, confident that she will receive a warm reception. And nine times out of ten she is right.

Keep your nose to the ground to sniff out opportunities. Abby is a nose with four legs. Her sensitive nose leads both of us in interesting directions on our walks through the neighborhood. As I was writing that last sentence, I was eating a cracker and cheese while Abby was outside. She just came racing into my room and leaped onto my chair with me, following her nose, even though the food was gone. I can't sneak anything past her.

Persistently go after what you want. Often I think she's stubborn, but Abby is just following her instinct, chasing a smell or seeking out a new friend. She definitely has a mind of her own, and is not afraid to use it!

Don't hold a grudge. Love unconditionally. No matter whether I've been upset with her, if I've left her all day in her crate, or if I'm slow to help her get what she wants, Abby is always glad to see me. She shows her welcome and happiness with her whole body; her adoring eyes and waving tail always bring a smile.

Be willing to detour when something interesting attracts you. Tonight on our walk, Abby poked around, sniffing everything she could reach. Because we stopped to meet two new dogs and sniff at the ducks, we arrived at the park at exactly the right time to see a man on an old-fashioned bicycle with a giant front wheel and a tiny back wheel. What a surprise! I never would have seen it without her " encouragement" to take it slow. How many things in life do I miss because I'm in a hurry?

I hope I can live up to Abby's example. I want to be more like her, totally living and enjoying every minute.

Stress

What are the effects of stress? How does behavior change with stress? Currently everyone at work is under stress, with changes to come, but no idea what they will be or how they will affect us. The secrecy and waiting have combined with a load of work to put everyone on edge.

I thought I was handling it well, but this morning I lost it with my beloved dog. She was refusing to get off the bed and into her crate. I tried my usual treats, kind words, and begging. Then I resorted to yelling at her and succeeded in scaring her enough that she ran to the crate. Is that really why I got so upset with her? No, I definitely think it was stress-related. I worried about her all day, feeling bad, guilty, sorry. When I got home she was just as glad to see me as usual. That's unconditional love and forgiveness. Just what I needed to counteract the stress. My goal tomorrow is to master the stress, to be patient at home and work, and to relax. We'll know next week what the changes will be, and then we can start the adjustment process. Once we know we can accept and move on. The stress is in the waiting.

First Day of Summer

The first day of summer brings to mind thoughts of summers past. When I was a child summers seemed to stretch out forever. We played at home usually watched by Gussie, who took care of us and did the ironing. We watched TV, played in the yard on stilts, barrel, and playhouse. We sat in Daddy's hammock and chased our beagle. We sweated through the hot and humid days, playing baseball with the neighbor kids. Those days were carefree and helped me grow up.

As a young teacher, I loved summers! The days were for rejuvenation and relaxation, getting ready for the next school year. As I became an administrator, my summers slowly shrank, down to seven weeks, then two. Now summers seem so short, with just a few days off to restore my soul. That makes those days off even more special and important. It makes me want to use them to my best advantage, to get the most benefit for my peace of mind.

I think the key to a successful summer for me now is to enjoy the entire summer, not just think of it as a few days. I need to keep a summer frame of mind all the time, letting go of work when I can and enjoying my time. Spending time reading, writing, walking, staying cool, scrapbooking....these are all things that I can do all summer. I will spend my thoughts and days well, choosing a positive outlook.

This summer is a time for reflection, rejuvenation, and creativity, a time for me.

Collaboration

Today I presented the workshop "Team Planning for Student Success." It was full of quotes on teamwork and cooperation and was well-received by both groups who attended. I had fun with them, and was exhausted when it was over. The interesting part is that I kept thinking about my team at work, and how all of this applied to us. We used to be a very cohesive team, but lately a few cracks have appeared. Several people today mentioned that the hardest part about strong collaborative teams was keeping the momentum going. So true! One characteristic and requirement for effective teams is trust. Right now there's a lack of trust and respect with one person that is hurting the team. It's important that we solve that situation and get back to the productive team that we can be. It's time to use the QBQ questions. What can I do to improve collaboration? How can I build the spirit of trust and respect?

What Would I Do If I Wasn't Afraid?

What would I do if I wasn't afraid? That's a question from the book Who Moved My Cheese that I have referred back to numerous times. It helped me leave a bad marriage, spend a summer in Maine, and continue to grow. It's a question that I must answer on a daily basis, as I am always faced with choices and opportunities. There is a quote in today's newspaper from Christopher Reeve: "Either you stay in the shallow end of the pool, or you go out in the ocean. Too often fear immobilizes people...perhaps they're scared of what could happen if they try, or they're afraid of what people may think. At any moment, your life can unalterably change, so there is no excuse for letting fear stand in your way."

Fear is a theme that continues to surface in my life. There are some big things I would like to do, but current reality, future financial security, and fear of failure make me afraid to try. I'd love to quit my job, write for publication, and have a second home in Maine. I've jumped off a cliff before, quitting a good job in Harlingen in order to spend the summer in Maine, and it turned out okay. I was able to move to Dallas and begin a new career, eventually bought another house, and established new roots. Was there a cost? Yes, there was definitely a financial cost as I used up my retirement account in order to make this happen. While I do not regret that decision, it does greatly impact my thoughts and concerns about the future.

Somehow, I believe that my future financial security is connected to writing. My job today is to overcome my writing fears of failure and exposing my innermost thoughts, and take the first step toward writing practice and success.

Continuing to write this blog is my commitment to writing. It must be a daily practice in order to be effective, in order to establish my belief in myself and my abilities. The blog helps me figure out what I want to say, and it helps me establish my voice. It is my writing lifeline. Thank you for this venue to learn and grow.

Be, Have, and Do

I read an article today suggesting that you list all the things you could think of in 20 minutes that you want to be, have, and do. I actually listed 116!

Here they are as of today:

Be happy, loving, peaceful, fulfilled
Make a difference in the lives of others
Volunteer
Divide my time between Texas and Maine
Write a book that influences others
Maintain good health
Lose 20 more pounds
Walk everyday for me and Abby
Make some art
Become financially independent
Put new windows in my house
Spend more quality with family
Play a positive role in Altrusa
Work from home
Maintain good relationships with friends and colleagues
Travel more
Give Abby more positive reinforcement in training
Help with Robin's wedding
Complete house renovations
Enlarge the back patio and add furniture
Stay open and engaged and engaging
Look for the good in all things and people and situations
Be ready for opportunities
Feel delight daily
Share delight with others
Share my thoughts in my blog
Create more silence and less TV in my life
Be debt-free
Have funds to do what I want
Retire when I'm ready
Read lots of stimulating books
Continue to grow spiritually
Meet other writers
Find ways to make my work meaningful
Enjoy each day
Appreciate everything I have
Love my work
Be a delight to others
Look at the bright side
Banish complaints and criticism
Focus on what I do want
Meditate
Journal daily
Walk a pilgrimage
Walk a labyrinth thoughtfully
Connect with ancestor information for possible writing project
Visit all the homes I have lived in
Buy my house in Maine
Create a portable life between Texas and Maine
Sustain my funds and health throughout my life
Meet people who have inspired me - Wayne Dyer, Oprah
Understand my life and how I fit in the world
Enjoy life to the fullest using all my senses
Let go of anger
Look forward to each day
Be a seeker
Have fun
Have an adventurous spirit and go
Maintain both roots and wings
Be a positive influence for my children and grandkids
Help my children with my wisdom and finances
Forgive myself
Forgive my ex-husbands
Let go of my losses
Leave worry behind
Focus on today
Put in good thoughts, words, and actions
Go to England and walk through Wales
Find new love and trust
Be honest with and about myself
Be willing to let go of control
Share
Learn new things
Study different spiritual paths
Live where walking is part of daily routine
Look for synchronicity
Live with courage
Look for the best in others
Suspend judgment
Listen more than I speak
Wait before answering
Share experiences with Mom
Eat more fruits and vegetables
Lower blood pressure and cholesterol
Love myself just the way I am and seek improvement
Let go of money worries
Know there is always enough
Believe
Imagine it, believe it, and do it
Visualize my dreams
Leave a legacy for my family and the world
Find my writer's voice
Choose inspiring topics
Really communicate through writing
Discipline my writing time
Make time for what matters
Express gratitude
Be proud of all the small ways I am achieving these things
Be thankful for each step in the right direction
Be relaxed and friendly
Stay ready for my next chapter
Remain open to change
Look for healthy choices
Keep my focus on what I do want
Explore other parts of Maine
Eat at ethnic restaurants and shop at interesting grocery stores
Explore more places in nature and art
Be willing to adventure alone
Invite others to adventure with me
Explore photography
Share more of myself through creative expression

Wow! Some repetition, must be what is really important, but mostly lots of ideas. Are any of them new? Not too much; most a renewal of other thoughts in my journals, mission, and earlier goals. There is a lot of importance placed on creativity and health, making a difference, and having satisfying work. These come directly from my mission:

I am a healthy financially-independent writer doing meaningful work and making a positive difference in the world, living in Texas and Maine.

In an Instant

What can happen in an instant?

We make rice, cereal, coffee, and microwave dinners. We communicate by email, text, cell phone, and Twitter. We rent movies on-demand and get news as it happens from around the world. A baby comes into the world, night turns to day, flower buds open, and it begins to rain. Someone wins the lottery and a couple says "I do." We make decisions that lead to new friends, opportunities, and a better life.

In another instant, someone files for bankruptcy and another finalizes a divorce. Impulsive decisions are made leading to drug use, car accident, and heartache. The natural world creates a human crisis through flood, volcano eruption, earthquake, or tsunami.

Life as we know it can change in an instant.

Love

As Valentine's Day came last week I thought about the things that people love. There are the obvious and usual things: family, friends, home, maybe career. But what is it that we love as humans that makes us unique? What is it about what we love that makes us who we are?

I thought about the things that I have loved over a period of years, those things that define me, those things that I love consistently and passionately. What are they? What is their hold on me?

Books! I have always loved reading, spending many hours in the public library as a young child, teen, and adult. As I moved to a new community I sought out each new library in turn, exploring the shelves for new 'friends'. Later my love of books took me to a variety of book stores, both new and used, as well as online bookstores and monthly book clubs. What do I love about books? I love the feel and smell of them. I love the things I learn, the history I become a part of, the stories that take me into another life, the easy reading to pass the time. Now I'm even reading on my iPad, a new experience that allows me to instantly download and begin reading. So, my love of books remains constant even as it transforms from library to bookstore to ebook.

Maine! What is it about Maine that calls to me? I've loved Maine for at least 12 years, ever since I ordered a free travel magazine. I don't know what first attracted me, but I do know what holds me now. Maine sings to my soul, calms me, energizes and inspires me. I love the seacoast, the mountains, the trees, wild flowers, ferns, stone fences, lighthouses, sunrises and sunsets, fairs, lazy days. Maine feels like home; it feels like where I belong, where I am most truly my real self. I've often wondered about the source of this attraction, but have no idea. I have visited Maine seven times since 2000,exploring all of the coast and much of southern Maine, finding my favorite area in 2009, Pemaquid Peninsula in the mid-coast area. Maine is the source of many comforting memories that sustain me while I'm exiled in Texas.

Beagles! What is it about a beagle that is irresistible? Over my lifetime I've loved four beagles. Tippy entered my life as a puppy when I was a child; he was the typical outdoor dog, a great playmate for little girls. When I was a young adult I got Tubby,a beagle puppy to love when we bought our first house. He was full of mischief in his youth, but gradually became a good companion for my young children. Next came Angel, a Christmas puppy gift from my grown daughters who knew how much I loved beagles. What a surprise! She totally stole my heart, she was my most faithful companion for ten years through divorce, moves, and career changes. Angel knew and loved me well, and letting her go when it was the kind thing to do was a difficult decision. Nine months later I was ready for Abby. She was a rescue dog about a year old, the first adult dog I ever adopted. She's been with me four months now, and she grows closer to me everyday. What do these beagles have in common? They are gorgeous tri-colors, mostly black with white tipped tails and long ears. They are loyal and loving, mischievous and full of life, joyous and fun! They make me laugh and cry, create comic relief as well as constant chaos, and invite me to fully participate in life. They are true friends who always listen and love me unconditionally.

Am I defined by these things that I love? Most definitely! Books, Maine, and beagles are integral parts of my life. They sustain me, help me grow, and provide inspiration. They enhance my life and encourage me to be my best self.

Illusion of Control

What is control? It seems we humans have a continual need to control. We want to control our surroundings: the weather, the temperature, the length of days. We use fire, coal, air conditioners and heaters to control our immediate temperature comfort as well as using blankets, coats, and numerous wraps, gloves, and head coverings. We have weather forecasters and radar; we try to seed clouds and stop hurricanes. We change the time system several times a year to "create" more daylight. We worry and argue about global warming and how we may be influencing it.

We struggle with self-control: temper, weight, finances, addictions. We continually vacillate between what we "ought" to do and what we impulsively want to do. We want to speak kind words and maintain peaceful and respectful relationships; we want to have it our own way, to say what we really think, to lash out when our feelings are hurt. We want to have fit and beautiful bodies; we want to eat chocolate and sit in a comfortable chair and watch television or read a good book. We want to "save for a rainy day" and only spend on things we really need; we want to give in to impulse buying and credit cards. We want to think clearly; we want to give in to our addictions to food, alcohol, spending, or drugs.

The struggle for control extends to all relationships. In schools there is a continual struggle for control between adults and students.
In the workplace there are tensions between management or administration and the workforce. In marriage and other partnerships there are issues of control which must be addressed on a daily basis. We want to have strong and productive relationships; we want to be in charge and have things our way.

What is the relationship between control and government? We have laws for our safety: wear seat belts, drive the speed limit, don't drive drunk. We have the FDA, EPA, CIA, FBI, police, armed forces; when do these agencies for safety become agencies of control? How much of our personal control are we willing to give up? That question has been at the core of change in nations throughout history. I just finished reading "Fall of Giants" by Ken Follett. The story he tells of the Russian revolution during World War I is a perfect example of what happens when the people want to take back control from a dominating government. The results are messy, there is loss on both sides, and no one actually wins.

So, how do these thoughts on control apply to the current crisis in Egypt? Each person and relationship will change as external events shift thoughts and feelings about control. The struggle for control of the country impacts the lives of all Egyptians; it also impacts all of the world. Regardless of how it ends, the struggle will be messy, there will be loss on both sides, and no one will actually win.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to me! I'm enjoying sunny Tampa with warm temperatures and beautiful scenery. Today I rode the streetcar from the convention center to my hotel in Ybor City, the historic 'cradle of Cuban liberty.' I took a long walk through the area past old buildings, historic markers, statues of men who built the area, lots of bars, tattoo shops, art galleries, and gays. What an interesting place! I celebrated with a delicious and healthy salad followed by yummy gelato and warm chocolate chip cookies at the hotel. So, I'm celebrating alone, but already had several early birthday treats last week. Robin took me to Amigo's, Donna cooked me dinner and gave me a gift card, Keri sent me a beautiful scarf and precious beagle pillow. I enjoyed the scarf today as a wrap in chilly meeting rooms. And I had several calls, emails, and texts today. So, even though I'm physically alone, I'm really surrounded by love and friendship. It's been a good day.

Palimpsest

Palimpsest is a word that intrigues me. If feels good when I say it, it sounds ancient and mysterious. The dictionary defines it:

• from the Greek "scraped again"
• writing materials (such as parchment or tablet) used one or more times after earlier writing has been erased

Is palimpsest a metaphor for my life? I think of all the changes, transitions, and new starts in my life. I have been a child, a teen, a student, a wife and mother of preschoolers, a single mother of elementary children, a wife and mother of teens, a single mother of young adults. Have I been scraped or erased? The first divorce nearly did me in, but eventually it led me to stretch into more demanding leadership roles at work. The second divorce was a relief, and through it I learned so much more about myself and my goals for the rest of my life. What was the difference? The first one left me feeling scraped, as it was not my choice; I initiated the second one, and I worked to erase the past as I rewrote the next chapter of my life.

What about my career? I have been a teacher, a school administrator, a consultant, a business owner, and a specialist on a variety of education-related topics. I initiated and desired each of these roles, actively seeking change and new challenges. Have I been scraped? I was ready to make a change several years before I moved from principal to central office, and by the time I moved, I definitely felt scraped. So, even though I made the change willingly, it wasn't on my timetable. Maybe that's another difference.

I wonder if what is scraped or erased truly goes away in a palimpsest? I know that in my life, each of the personal and career stages has influenced what came next. Today I am a composite of all the experiences that I have had in the first 58 years of my life. If one of those stages had not occurred, I would be in a different place today. So, even though my situation has changed, I still carry the impressions of those earlier experiences.

As I continue to grow and learn, moving to other life stages, will I feel the effects of scraping or erasing? Will it be my choice? Will it be on my timetable? My job is to pay attention, to be willing to take risks for what is important, and to seek wisdom when making decisions. Change will come.

Leaders as Innovators

Recently I heard Tom Kelly of Stanford University speak on the topic of innovation, defined as "doing new things." As leaders, we are called upon to innovate as we work to impact our community. Kelly went on to describe habits that help achieve innovation.

Think like a traveler. When we travel we see with wide-open eyes, hyper-aware, looking for things of interest. We notice things that are similar and different to what we are used to. We pay attention to details, using all of our senses to take in the new surroundings. How does this relate to leadership? A leader must be ever aware, looking for needs, opportunities, and solutions. As leaders, we must stay aware, even in our ordinary environment, intentionally noticing details that need our attention.

Treat life as an experiment. An innovator is willing to take a risk, to try new and varied solutions in order to make a difference. This brings to mind the many inventors who were willing to try again and again: Thomas Edison, Jonas Salk, Alexander Graham Bell. They were willing to fail many times in order to finally succeed. As leaders, we must also be willing to risk failure as we try many ways to impact our community. Some of our ideas will be accepted enthusiastically, while others will be rejected. Leaders do not give up; we are willing to fail forward, always looking for the next success.

Cultivate an attitude of wisdom. Wisdom comes from living in the world, learning, paying attention, asking questions, looking for service opportunities. A leader seeks wisdom and uses good judgment when making decisions. Leaders call on the strengths and experiences of others for inspiration, assistance, and wisdom.

In order to ensure success, continued practice of these habits is required. We must keep our eyes open, be willing to take risks, and seek wisdom as we strive to make a difference in our community.

I wrote this article for Tidings, a publication of Altrusa International.

What Is Fear?

What is fear? The dictionary says it's "concern or anxiety, a distressing feeling caused by real or imagined impending threat." Dudley Nichols describes fear as "the highest fence." Others have given a more positive view. Miguel de Unamuno says that "fear is the start of wisdom" while an old French proverb states that "fear is the greatest of all inventors."

Fear is always a part of life. As I looked back over my journals I found many references to fear over the years. In 1999 I wrote a list of fears that I wanted to overcome with courage: failure, losing, showing my true feelings, being hurt, losing face, losing my job, losing respect, not being able to write, not having anything to write about, authenticity. Quotes about fear are scattered through the pages:

• Let go of fear.
• Leap and the net will appear.
• Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
• I need courage and love to face down the fear.
• The main thing is to do it afraid.
• Work through fear. Don't let it stop you.

So, how do I choose to respond to fear? Will I slink back from the high fence, or will I look for the wisdom and use it to invent a positive response? Each thought, word, and action is my choice. My commitment for 2011 is to let go of the fear that holds me back. It is with courage and love that I will expand my life to reach my potential. Those things that I commit to "more of" will take priority:

• healthy habits
• good use of my resources
• sticking with writing projects
• loving my current situation and being open to opportunity
• looking for ways to make a difference in the lives of others

My life will shrink or expand in proportion to my courage.